FJM: Mitch Albom

If his Tuesday's were anything like this then I would feel bad for Morrie. 

Mitch Albom's latest gem is deserving of the FJM Treatment. 

Miguel Cabrera's award a win for fans, defeat for stats geeks

The eyes have it.

I'm not sure what "it" is, but I hope we find out what "it" is later!

In a battle of computer analysis versus people who still watch baseball as, you know, a sport, 

This sounds like an interesting battle. In one corner are people who still watch baseball as, you know, a sport and in the other corner we have the process of analyzing problems via a computer. As of now it's not clear to me how a group of people can battle with computer analysis but I'm definitely intrigued. 

what we saw with our Detroit vision was what most voters saw as well:

It's pretty cool that most voters also have Detroit Vision. I never knew this. I'm also not sure what Detroit Vision is either but my feeling is that it's close to the "it" that the eyes have. My guess is Detroit vision blocks off any analysis that doesn't fit the narrative that we've always been told but like I said, I'm not sure.  

Miguel Cabrera is the Most Valuable Player in the American League this year.

True, true.

"It means a lot," he told reporters over the phone from Miami. "I'm very thankful. ... I thought it was gonna be very close."

I wonder if Miggy thought it would be close because Mike Trout was a better baserunner, hitter and fielder. 

So did everyone. But the debate ended Thursday night when the results were announced, with Cabrera earning 22 of the 28 first-place votes from the Baseball Writers' Association of America. 

So everyone thought it was going to be close except for all of the people (if you can even consider bloggers as people) expecting the voters to pick Miggy. 

It reinforced what Tigers fans have been saying all season: This guy is a monster.

I don't personally know many Tigers fans, but I'm glad that's the case. It would be tiresome to hear them tell me all season that "this guy is a monster." How does a Tigers fan order at a restaurant, is "this guy is a monster" on the menu? 

It also answered the kind of frenzied cyberspace argument that never shadowed baseball 20 years ago but may never stop shadowing it now.

I'm glad Obama is talking a little bit about Climate Change but fuck that, he should be worrying about the frenzied cyberspace argument! If it's starting to shadow baseball where will it stop? What's next - Basketball? Economics? Intelligent Design? Please God! No!!!!!

Statistics geeks insisted Cabrera was less worthy than Angels rookie centerfielder Mike Trout. 

Thanks for starting off your case for Miguel Cabrera by looping everyone together who isn't opposed to using different statistics and then insulting them! 

Not because Trout's traditional baseball numbers were better. They weren't. 

Wait, you're referring to numbers, now you're the geek! Nana nana poo poo!

Cabrera had more home runs (44), more runs batted in (139) and a better batting average (.330) than Trout and everyone else in the American League. It gave him the sport's first Triple Crown in 45 years.

Trout had more runs (129), walks (67) and stolen bases (49) but Miggy led in three different arbitrary statistics. Damn, he's definitely better! Amirite? 

But Trout excelled in the kind of numbers that weren't even considered a few years ago, mostly because A) They were impossible to measure, and B) Nobody gave a hoot. 

Or, how about this: A) You're an ignorant piece of shit. 

Let me try to follow the logic - stat geeks insist that Trout was better than Miggy but the argument isn't valid because "Trout led in the kind of numbers that weren't even considered a few years ago" and nobody gave a hoot about them back then. 

Years ago, when I was ten I didn't give a hoot about gay marriage. So clearly marriage should remain between a man and a women only. If you didn't give a hoot about something a few years ago you should never give a hoot about it and never be willing to learn and change your stance. Never. Gay marriage isn't leading the league in the traditional stats, and it's as simple as that. 

Today, every stat matters. There is no end to the appetite for categories -- from OBP to OPS to WAR. I mean, OMG! 

It's so ridiculous, I mean like OMG, JK LOL!!!!!  I'll NEVER use stats that need abbreviations like HR, RBI or AVG! Even if someone were to lead the league in all three! 

The number of triples hit while wearing a certain-colored underwear is probably being measured as we speak. 

Mitch, I have to say that I'm impressed. You clearly have your pulse on the geeks. It's that kind of analysis that those geeks care about. 

So in areas such as "how many Cabrera home runs would have gone out in Angel Stadium of Anaheim" or "batting average when leading off an inning" or "Win Probability Added," Trout had the edge. At least this is what we were told.

I mean, did you do the math? I didn't. 

Nope Mitch, I didn't do the math. I just have an understanding of context and what the stats mean while trusting the source from which they came. Did you calculate Miguel Cabrera's batting average or did you just check online? 

Do you not have the brain power to gain an understanding of any additional statistics or is it that you are just a lazy, ignorant prick who finds it inconvenient that any new statistic disagree with your preconceived notions? 

And seriously, what stat geek used "batting average when leading off an inning" to make a case for Trout?

I like to actually see the sun once in a while.

I like to read good sports writing from the Detroit Free Press. You know, once in a while. 

Plus he has intangibles 

Besides, if you live in Detroit, you didn't need a slide rule. 

I thought we were making fun of spooky stuff like computer analysis and the frenzied cyberspace, not such rich traditional tools like a slide rule. 

This was an easy choice. People here watched Cabrera, 29, tower above the game in 2012. Day after day, game after game, he was a Herculean force. Valuable? What other word was there? 

Who knew that people People in Detroit and fans of the Tigers would think Miguel Cabrera was a Herculean force. I figured that they would find him valuable, you know because of bias and all, but a Herculean force? That's just some bad-ass hyperbole, there is no other word. 

How many late-inning heroics? How many clutch hits? And he only missed one game all year.

I can't answer this question as I didn't do the math. I was too busy sunbathing. Did you? 

"During the season, a lot of guys tell me I'm gonna be the MVP," Cabrera said, laughing. "But they said the same thing to Trout."

Yes, it's true, Trout is faster, Trout is a better defensive player, 

You better start listing other qualities before you illustrate how Trout was a better player this year...

Trout is a leadoff hitter, 

Much better. Trout grew up in New Jersey. Trout wears number 27. Trout's middle name is Nelson. I can do this all day!

and Trout edged Cabrera in several of those made-for-Microsoft categories.

Wow. Baseball REALLY lucked out in this one. These statistics were made for microsoft and by chance they also work to analyze baseball players? How cool! 

But if you are going to go molten deep into intangibles, 

How deep is molten? Does one have to use pseudosciences like math to find the answer? 

why stop at things like "which guy hit more homers into the power alleys?" (A real statistic, I am sorry to say.)

Yes, home run distance and location are measured. Why the fuck are you sorry about that? Why is that bad? 

Why not also consider such intangibles as locker-room presence? Teammates love playing around -- and around with -- Miggy. 

Why stop there? Why not also consider his previous drinking habits? 

He helps the room.

I came into this article thinking that Trout should have won the MVP, and until now I was still pretty secure with that statement. But he helps the room, of course! How didn't I think of that! Not only did Miggy lead the league in HR, RBI and AVG but Feng Shui as well! Justin Verlander couldn't have won one game, let alone 17 without the room being helped by Miggy.

How about his effect on pitchers? Nobody wanted the embarrassment of him slamming a pitch over the wall. The amount of effort pitchers expended on Cabrera or the guy batting ahead of him surely took its toll and affected the pitches other batters saw. 

I couldn't agree more. I don't trust advanced statistics because I didn't do the math myself (too busy sunbathing, obv!) but damn do I believe your untested opinion on Miguel Cabrera making opposing pitchers throw shit pitches to the other batters on the team. 

Why not find a way to measure that? (Don't worry. I'm sure someone is working on it as we speak.)

Correct me if I'm wrong but it seems as though you are trying to poke fun at the idea of someone wanting to find out if a player actually did something that you claimed without any evidence. So responsibility and proving things are now considered bad. Got it. Let's move on. 

What about the debilitating power of a three-run homer? How many opposing teams slumped after Cabrera muscled one out? How about team confidence? 

In jest you said that Stat geeks care about "the number of triples hit while wearing a certain-colored underwear is probably being measured as we speak."  

You actually claim that the balls that Miguel Cabrera muscled out made opposing teams slump and hurt their confidence.

What about penis size? How many opposing pitchers felt threatened by Miggy? I don't know what kind of heat he's packing but nobody gets the triple crown without packing something. 

You heard everyone from Prince Fielder to Justin Verlander speak in awed tones about being on the same team as Cabrera. Doesn't that embolden teammates and bring out their best?

No, it doesn't. Sorry but your interpretation of Justin Verlander's tone when speaking about Miguel Cabrera doesn't mean that he emboldens his teammates. It would be damn convenient for your argument if it did but it doesn't. +1 for the effort though.

How about the value of a guy who could shift from first to third base -- as Cabrera did this past season -- to make room for Fielder? 

How about it? I personally don't give someone extra credit for doing what their boss tells them to do for the betterment of the team. But to each his own. 

Ask manager Jim Leyland how valuable that is.

Whoa! Are you trying to tell me that Miggy's manager is going to think highly of his best player? Mind. Blown. 

How about the fact that Cabrera's team made the playoffs and Trout's did not? ("Yes," countered Team Trout, "but the Angels actually won more games.") 

Just because you give the counter point to your own claim doesn't devalue the counter. It's a dumb fact and you seem to already recognize that. 

How about the fact that Cabrera played the whole season while Trout started his in the minors? ("Yes," said the Trout Shouters, "but the Angels won a greater percentage with Trout than Detroit did with Cabrera.")

How about this? How about that? 

Quick question - do you have an editor? How about this - you stop writing about baseball, or in general. 

The fact is, voters are not instructed to give more credence to any one category than another. 

726 words thus far demonizing any non traditional statistic and insulting those who use them. This would seem to go against the aforesaid instructions not to give more credence to any one category over another. 

Twenty-eight sportswriters, two from each AL city, decide, in their own minds, what is "valuable" and who displayed it the most.

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2012 Displayed value winner is...Miguel Cabrera. 

They chose Cabrera.

By an overwhelming majority.

In the end, memories were more powerful than microchips.

In the end, our dense and obtuse collective memory was more powerful than actual analysis. Or microchips. 

A rival for the future

Which, by the way, speaks to a larger issue about baseball. 

The antiquated sports writers who have votes? 

It is simply being saturated with situational statistics. 

Situation statistics like how "the amount of effort pitchers expended on Cabrera or the guy batting ahead of him surely took its toll and affected the pitches other batters saw." That kind of situation? 

What other sport keeps coming up with new categories to watch the same game? 

Every sport over time. 

A box score now reads like an annual report. 

The box score hasn't changed. Unfortunately most of the the stats you make fun of aren't in the box score. I guess you don't read the box scores. Do you watch the games? I noticed you were starting to look a little tan. 

And this WAR statistic -- which measures the number of wins a player gives his team versus a replacement player of minor league/bench talent (honestly, who comes up with this stuff?) -- is another way of declaring, "Nerds win!"

I'm honestly lost. Is there a point here? 

We need to slow down the shoveling of raw data into the "what can we come up with next?" machine. 

I'm having trouble defending my naive views with all of these new statistics proving me wrong, could you stop it, pretty please, I'll be your best friend? 

It is actually creating a divide between those who like to watch the game of baseball and those who want to reduce it to binary code. 

The old guard aggressively defending their view of the sport and a complete disregard for any dissenting opinion is creating a divide. 

To that end, Cabrera's winning was actually a bell ring for the old school. 

Cabrera's winning was a sign that the voters are still stubborn and lazy. 

There is also an element of tradition here. The last three Triple Crown winners were also voted as MVP.

What was the rule you mentioned before? Something about how voters are not instructed to give more credence to any one category over another. I must have not received the memo that said triple crown winners are an exception. 

"I think they can use both," Cabrera said when asked about computer stats versus old-time performance. "In the end, it's gonna be the same. You gotta play baseball."

Indeed.

You must have missed the part where Cabrera said they can use both, because you have attempted to completely dismissed every non-traditional statistic. OMG LOL!

This was a nice moment for the Tigers -- and a small consolation prize for owner Mike Ilitch and president Dave Dombrowski, who, like Cabrera, would have traded a World Series ring for any postseason award. But the Tigers now have back-to-back MVPs (Verlander last year), which speaks pretty well for their ability to develop and sign talent. It's also nice that Cabrera has seemingly made a turn for the better with his off-field behavior.

It's also nice that this article is almost finished.  

And none of this diminishes the season Trout gave the Los Angeles Angels -- and baseball history. Rarely has a rookie so dominated on so many levels. It is scary to think that Trout, only 21, will get better. 

Rarely has a writer so sucked on so many levels. It is scary to think that Mitch Albom, only 54, will still be writing for several more years, only getting worse. 

And if he improves even incrementally, who is going to beat him for MVP in years to come?

Oh, so you were just afraid that your hometown player wouldn't have another shot to win the MVP! Why didn't you just say that in the beginning! 

But for today, for this season, anyhow, Cabrera gets the nod. In a season of fits and starts, he was a reliable Tiger, a consistent source of power, and a shadow that fell on opposing pitchers even before he reached the batter's box. He was the meat in the stew that became the American League champions, and while it is possible to argue the other way, it's undeniable to argue this one.

Yes. It is certainly undeniable to argue that Miguel Cabrera was "the meat in the stew that became the American League champions." 

He was the cog in the 88 win machine that made the playoffs. Cabrera was the burnt ends that gave the baked beans its flavor, fully realized in the postseason. He was the center of the Tootsie Roll pop of the AL Central Division champions. Mitch Albom is a tool. 

These are all undeniable facts.  

"Hopefully every year it can be a battle like that," Cabrera said.

This year, what you saw is what he got.

MVP.

The eyes have it.

This is where I end the article referencing a line that I randomly threw in the beginning only so it would sound cool when it's repeated at the end...drops the mic.