A "complisult" is half-compliment, half-insult. It's not until you're driving home in your Prius that a complisult slaps you across the cheek.
A few complisults:
"You're so pretty. I'll bet you used to model, am I right?"
"You drive the coolest minivan in the neighborhood!"
"The weight you've gained in your face looks good. Takes out the creases."
Complisults are key to getting in your digs without getting your nose flattened into a tortilla for you. During football season, complisulting is essential. For instance, if you're sitting on a stool at your favorite sports bar this Sunday and a stranger plops down next to you in the wrong jersey, you need one ready. For instance …
Why not do this for MLB right? I'll try my best to duplicate Reilly's wonderful sense of humor!
Yankees: It's great the Yankees spent so much on their rotation, that's really important in the playoffs!
Rays: It'll be fun seeing how Crawford and Pena play on new teams, I was getting tired of looking at them on the Rays.
Red Sox: The Red Sox must be glad they have a nice insurance policy with all those injuries.
Blue Jays: It's nice to finally have a HR king that nobody questions the legitimacy of.
Orioles: Buck's had a lot of success with his teams, maybe this is the one he gets to win a championship.
Twins: I'm jealous, I wish I could go to a ballgame outside in Minnesota in October.
White Sox: Winning or not, it's always fun to have Manny around!
Tigers: After going to Tigers games, you must love to tour the city, in your convertible.
Royals: It's going to be a process, but it's reassuring knowing that you can trust the GM in charge.
Indians: It must be rewarding knowing you guys breed such good talent. I mean just look at the Yankees and Rangers pitching staffs relying on your former players. LaPorta is doing well right?
Rangers: I loved Josh Hamilton this year, it'll be nice if he's healthy for the playoffs.
A's: Everyone copying Billy Beane and succeeding really shows how genius he is.
Angels: It must have been exciting watching Morales celebrate that game winning homer earlier in the season.
Mariners: The Mariners remind me of my favorite sport, college football, so much roster turnover you just never know who you are going to see on the field in the future.
Phillies: You guys won't have to worry about first base for the next 5+ years now that you locked up Howard, bargain and all.
Braves: It's not everyday that teams wanting to make the playoffs need to rely on a 21 year old.
Marlins: The Marlins seem to make money each year, you must have a great owner!
Mets: Too easy...
Nationals: Tommy John surgery has a high success rate!
Reds: If the Reds get into a fight in the playoffs, you know Cueto will have the teams back.
Astros: They aren't as bad as I thought they would be.
Cardinals: At least they have a good manager and young CF to choose who you want to side with.
Pirates: Barry Bonds was really good, even for you guys when he was clean.
Cubs: It's fun watching Zambrano freak out, you must be glad he's not leaving anytime soon.
Brewers: At least you know you can get a lot for Braun if Prince Fielder doesn't get you guys a great prospect in return.
Giants: The extra work Posey got in the minors this year really helped his defense!
Padres: Adrian Gonzalez will really prove to everyone how good he is once he's playing in a park like Fenway.
Rockies: You always have September to watch good baseball, even if it ends before October.
Dodgers: Rihanna is always nearby as an emergency National Anthem singer.
Diamondbacks: That Humidor has really helped your pitching staff this year, without any speculation either.
Pirates: With such a beautiful ballpark, it must be a lot of fun to watch your team out there on the field. I bet the stands are packed!
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